:)

Assalamu'alaikum.

Hi sayang.

It's been a while since last I wrote to you. Don't get me wrong though. It's not because I haven't been thinking about you. If I could get a dollar for every time you crossed my mind, I'd literally be a rich girl :) I was busy, though. And I don't know if you can understand but sometimes, I find it hard to find the right words to say to you.

Brother,

Last week, we received news that you have not only succeeded in your exams and will be registering in Gontor 1 on the 10th of Syawal, but we also found out that you will be returning home on the 1st of September. I received both news with happiness and an overwhelming sense of pride. I actually found myself confused both times, not sure whether I should jump for joy or if I should cry.

Our prayers for you seem to have been granted, alhamdulillah.

Now, we can hardly wait for your return. We're all counting the days till you come home to us. Short though your stay will be, we will try to make the best of it.

We hope to see you soon, insyAllah.

infinite x's and o's

because you couldn't be there yourself

we wish you were there with us.

<3

Assalamu'laikum :)

To my dearest brother, Kamil,

Half the day today was dedicated to you, did you know?
We spent half the day looking for things to buy for you. We bought you a pair of watch, something you asked for. And mama bought tonnes of chocolate biscuits for you, just because we all know you're craving for something good to eat (I hope you share them with your friends because they've been as unprivileged as you have been this whole time when it comes to food). Abah also bought you a motivational book called "Don't be Sad" in hopes that you will find solitude in it. And Kakak Jay and I bought you a note book as a birthday present so you may inscribe the details of your endeavor and maybe one day, it will be a source of inspiration for others.

I can't wait for Mama to finally leave on the morning of your birthday, and I hope she has a safe journey so she may get to you, with small pieces of home to cure your homesickness. Just so you know, we miss you just as much as you do us. We're always praying for you here; always hoping you're okay and always asking God to keep you protected (I say a small prayer and ask Him to keep you safe every time i think of you).

Sayang,

The past two months or so has not been easy for either parties, but I'm sure, you feel more pain in being there, in solitude, than we do in being here, sharing the sadness of being without you. However, I hope the pain will pass for you in time and you may one day understand that whatever Abah and Mama has chosen for you, they had your best interest in mind and at heart.

I will always love you no matter how far you may be.

Infinite x's and o's

universal love

the stars are yours
if you would have them
the moon is yours to keep.
the clouds are low
and you can reach them;
your blanket when you sleep.

and every time you shed a tear
the earth will catch its fall.
and when your heart is filled with fear
no doubt He hears your call.

believe again like you once did
live fearless as before;
with the clouds as your guardian,
and the stars as your guide,
and the moon as your motherly love.

p/s: this will not make sense to a lot of people, i think.

i miss you dear, brother.

27th March 2010

Kamil,

I’m sorry it took me so long to write this. I had to find strength. This is by far the hardest one I’ve written.

Firstly, I hope you’re doing well over there. I was told you rarely call now. I’m praying it’s a sign that you’ve finally adapted to your surroundings and are making good progress in your studies and student life.

Sayang,

My heart missed you the most today. All through the day, there were silent reminders of you. Little things that took me back to a time when I enjoyed these small things with you. It started with breakfast at Kasturi with the family. I imagined having you there; how off-ish your mood would’ve been for having been woken up way too early, what you would put on your plate, the silly jokes you would’ve made.

After Kak Jay and I sent Hadi to work, we went for a car wash and I was instantly reminded of the days when I would’ve dragged you out of the house to run from whatever it was Abah and Mama were nagging about by going for a car wash. I thought of how you’d have me buy you something from Mcd’s and how we’d sit in the hot sun while the car was being vacuumed. I thought of us going to different petrol stations to test out their car wash service and deciding on which one we liked best. I thought of how much I thought you were still my baby brother all those times—even though I kept thinking to myself “he’s a big boy now”.

When we went to the hair salon after that, they played “Baby” by Justin Beiber, and again it made me think of how much you loved that song and how you’d play it over and over and over.

I miss you, and that’s the truth. It’s the little things we share that I miss the most.

I hope you’re doing well there. I love you with all my heart. Please be strong, and work hard. When you come back during your holidays, I swear I won’t take your company for granted...well, not for the first ten days at least :)

Infinite x’s and o’s

“Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world”

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet, Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

Helen Keller

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son! 

If by Rudyard Kipling

Assalamu’alaikum.

I’m praying for your health every day, and I hope you’re doing well over there.

Kamil and Amirul sayang,

I’m not sure if you've both studied this poem in school but this is actually one of my favourites. It’s a very simple poem of advice, from a father to his son. Basically, the father is telling the son what makes a good and successful person. My favourite part of the poem is this:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew 
To serve your turn long after they are gone, 
And so hold on when there is nothing in you 
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

I think this stanza applies so well to both of you right now


Sayangs,

I need you both, no, we all need you both to force yourself to serve your turn and hold on with all the will that you can possibly muster up. We are doing this not because we do not care about you but rather because we love you, and we want you to one day be the best person there could possibly be. Maybe one day you will begin to understand that you were not the only person who made sacrifices when this journey was decided upon, that yours is not the only heart that cries for days and nights from the feeling of absence, that you are not the only ones who feel the pain of loss and loneliness; because you’re not.

We need you both to be STRONG.

Make new friends, find new families—realize that there’s so much more around you to look at and appreciate. Don’t take things for granted, Sayangs, or I promise you, you will lose out. Don’t bother trying to make us proud anymore. At this very moment, you are your greatest enemy. Fight your own self-pity and find the will to go on to be a success. Make YOURSELVES proud, and everything else will fall in line.

My darling brothers (for you are both my brothers),

What you’re doing is a good thing, and because of that, Insyallah, Allah will always be with you, guiding you and giving you strength. All you have to do now is work hard. I know you can. I believe in you; both of you.

We love you both with all our hearts.

Infinite x’s and o’s