27th March 2010

Kamil,

I’m sorry it took me so long to write this. I had to find strength. This is by far the hardest one I’ve written.

Firstly, I hope you’re doing well over there. I was told you rarely call now. I’m praying it’s a sign that you’ve finally adapted to your surroundings and are making good progress in your studies and student life.

Sayang,

My heart missed you the most today. All through the day, there were silent reminders of you. Little things that took me back to a time when I enjoyed these small things with you. It started with breakfast at Kasturi with the family. I imagined having you there; how off-ish your mood would’ve been for having been woken up way too early, what you would put on your plate, the silly jokes you would’ve made.

After Kak Jay and I sent Hadi to work, we went for a car wash and I was instantly reminded of the days when I would’ve dragged you out of the house to run from whatever it was Abah and Mama were nagging about by going for a car wash. I thought of how you’d have me buy you something from Mcd’s and how we’d sit in the hot sun while the car was being vacuumed. I thought of us going to different petrol stations to test out their car wash service and deciding on which one we liked best. I thought of how much I thought you were still my baby brother all those times—even though I kept thinking to myself “he’s a big boy now”.

When we went to the hair salon after that, they played “Baby” by Justin Beiber, and again it made me think of how much you loved that song and how you’d play it over and over and over.

I miss you, and that’s the truth. It’s the little things we share that I miss the most.

I hope you’re doing well there. I love you with all my heart. Please be strong, and work hard. When you come back during your holidays, I swear I won’t take your company for granted...well, not for the first ten days at least :)

Infinite x’s and o’s